They Should Ban Bonfire Night!

As a child I was always taught to have a healthy respect for fireworks. My father was in the Fire Brigade and as each Bonfire Night approached he would repeat dire warnings about the dangers of fireworks. Eternal vigilance was the message: he would fill buckets with water and place them at strategic sites around the back garden. If he was on duty, then my mother would be instructed to watch the roof of the house, the shed and the garden (front and back) all at the same time!! He was convinced of the danger, he had seen it often enough at other people's houses, and when it happened to his home, he would be ready.

When you see this every year, you grow up believing that fireworks are evil incarnate and any parent who allows their children near them is stupid and wicked. (To be fair, I later learned that his mother's cottage had, in fact, been set on fire by a malicious firework posted through her letterbox - only the fact that she had a very heavy curtain behind the door that smothered most of the explosion saved her from an even nastier experience than it was.)

It won't surprise you to learn that I have always refused to let my children have fireworks at home. If they must see them, then we go to large, organised displays that we can witness from a safe distance. Can you see where this is going .....

That's right!! Steve felt guilty that he hadn't taken the children out on Sunday as he had promised and arrived home with a large box and a sheepish grin. His idiot friend Matt had bought a job-lot of fireworks from another idiot friend and had given loads of the little b****** to Steve as a thank you for all that garden clearing.

The children spotted them before I did - have you noticed how acute children's radar is for any misdemeanour commited by a parent - and were organising a firework party before you could say "Guy Fawkes".

We live in a nice house. It has a nice garden. It has borders lovingly filled with plants. It is not designed for bonfires or fireworks or anything combustible.

I am going to have to leave it there for now. Emily has just called up to me to tell me that the cat has just had another accident on the carpet .... he is very old and very scared of fireworks, and that's another reason why they should be banned .... but I'll tell you what happened tomorrow.