Did You Miss Me?

I've just returned from the technological wasteland that is my parents' home. When you are permanently surrounded by mobile phones, home computers/laptops, satellite tv, playstations and dvd recorders, you accept their existence as the norm. Just as we couldn't imagine working in a kitchen without the benefit of a freezer/microwave/fan oven/dishwasher, so we can't imagine how we would spend days at a time without our technological support system to keep us entertained and informed. Well, my parents seem to manage!

I have been staying with them for the last few days as my father had to go into hospital. My mother doesn't drive and as the NHS saw fit to send him for surgery to a hospital 20 miles away from their home, extra drivers were necessary.

I am at that tricky stage of life where my children obviously need my attention but now also my parents do as well. As usual, everything becomes a balancing act, trying to work out whose needs are the greatest.

For once it was an obvious choice. Anyone could, for a few days at least, feed, clothe and send off to school my children but my mother needed ME (or rather, us - as Steve is a much calmer driver and capable of untold patience where elderly relatives are concerned.) The harder decision was just who would do the feeding/clothing/sending off of the children. Various friends offered but in each case they could take only one each of the four kids. I don't have to tell you just how complex the arrangements are for just one child. If you multiply this by four then you can imagine the logistics......

No, it was much simpler if we could keep the children in one place and import a useful, sensible adult. One that the children knew and liked and, hopefully, would obey most of the time.

Steve's mother was the obvious answer. She is separated (quite happily) from Steve's father, can drive, is free of work commitments and has brought up six children of her own. (Incidentally, can you see where Steve got the idea from that four kids wouldn't be a problem! "Large families are brilliant" was his favourite quote before my first pregnancy.)

The only down side to her looking after my children was that she would have to bring with her one of her own: Steve's sister, Georgina.

I should explain. Georgina is without children or husband and definitely without a sense of humour. I'm not sure where my mother in law went wrong but somehow her method of parenting went awry with Georgina and she has turned into the most miserable, old-before-her-time, boot-faced c*w that I have ever met. Needless to say, the children were not keen.

I had explained all about their grandad being poorly and how we were both needed down in Kent. I also explained that they couldn't all come and "help", no matter how they protested that they would all be paragons of virtue. In the end it took huge bribes to persuade them to allow their aunt through the door!

We set off on Friday and managed, somehow, to survive the aforementioned technological wasteland. Steve suddenly realised that he had no access to the Internet, couldn't even play pc games as he had left his lap top behind, and worse still, would have to watch ordinary television. He moans like fits that Sky is a waste of money but he still likes to have dozens of listings to go through and bitch about.

I have to admit I found it quite relaxing. I couldn't e mail anyone. My friends knew not to clutter up my mobile when I might need it for urgent messages from the hospital. I sat with my mother and talked for hours, just like we used to. She passed the time turning up a pair of curtains for me and I just sat. It was lovely!

What was not so lovely were the increasingly furious phone calls I received from the children. But more of that tomorrow... my mobile is ringing, the dishwasher has just finished and I promised to download an article on nits for my friend Dawn.