Fighting the school system on behalf of your child

The next day Jack couldn’t face going to school. I was torn between letting him stay off as it was Friday in the hope that everyone would have moved on to some other topic of playground gossip by Monday, and knowing it wouldn’t be forgotten and it was better just to face things and get it over with. In the end I went with letting him stay at home. Luckily I have a kindly neighbour who is able to “sit” at short notice. She is smart enough to recognise a tricky situation when she sees one and assured me she would just “be there” and not bother Jack at all. So I set off for my appointment with the Headteacher.

If I had read my school newsletters properly, instead of putting them under the fruit bowl to look at later (and forgetting to do it) I would have known that there was a temporary Head in charge of Jack and Emily’s school. The usual Headteacher was on long-term sick leave and her temporary replacement was struggling to make her mark on the school.

Just as schoolchildren hate having supply staff to cover for their usual form teacher, so parents hate having to deal with supply head teachers. Even if children don’t particularly like their class teacher, at least they do know all their funny habits. In turn, the class teacher knows them inside out and just how to handle them. When new staff have to be drafted in, no one knows anyone else and it is very easy to get it wrong: shout at a “delicate” child and they will burst into tears, go easy on the class trouble-maker and he will walk all over the teacher and undermine all their efforts at discipline.

So I had to deal with a head teacher who didn’t know me and who had no idea what my son was normally like. All she could see was a boy from Year 6 had started a very serious fight in the playground and should therefore be suspended and possibly excluded permanently.

She was obviously very busy and very stressed. Whatever problems had driven the normal Head to go off sick, they were troubling her as well. She made it quite clear that I was only there to be told off, not to argue Jack’s case.

One of the earliest things I learned about myself as a parent was that if it was something for my child’s benefit I was willing to go to any lengths to achieve it. Where normally I would perhaps not speak up for myself, for my children I was more than able to make myself heard. If ever I needed to speak up, it was now.

The Head finished her rehearsed speech about making examples of unruly pupils and stated that Jack was suspended for two weeks. Then she looked at me as if she expected me to be grateful and shuffle off.

I wasn’t grateful and I wasn’t shuffling anywhere! I spoke very clearly and calmly and told her that I understood that she had to maintain discipline but surely she needed to hear all of the facts.

She looked very surprised and seemed amazed that a parent could calmly ask her to hear her side of things. She was obviously used to parents shouting and threatening further violence.

I explained just what had been going on in Jack’s life and how unhappy this had made him. I also told her what Jack is usually like and how out of character fighting is. I suggested she talk to his class teacher to prove what a peaceful boy he normally is and just how miserable he has been recently. I also suggested that to suspend Jack at this difficult time would just make things worse. He would be so ashamed and it would be the final straw.

Luckily for me, Jack’s class teacher knew I was coming in and joined our meeting. She backed up what I had said and also encouraged the Head to have a re-think about the suspension. I have never been more grateful to another human being.

It was obvious that the Head was torn between wanting to help in a difficult situation and needing to maintain her position of strength. In the end, her compassion won and she agreed that Jack could return to school on Monday.

He’s got to report to her office first thing and apologise to the other boys involved. I wasn’t sure how he would take this news but it had to be better than suspension. So I headed home to break the news.